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Author Archives: Ryan Simmons
Old Cedar
Back in 2012, a few of us prestigious Lafayette alumni went on a camping trip for the 4th of July. The group included 5 out of the 6 nominal Bobcat Territory contributors, the exception being "House" Crouse (not that, as of some 625 odd days since our website's founding, he has actually contributed anything - but that's another story). Along with Read more [...]
The Uncertainty Principle
Heisenberg is speeding down the highway in his dull-green Pontiac Aztek when a cop pulls him over. The cop walks up to his car and says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg responds, "No ... but I know EXACTLY where I am!"
Okay, so maybe you don't get the joke, yet (you will in a minute). In fact, you might Read more [...]
Posted in Columns, Creative Writing, Ryan
Tagged breaking bad, Change, criticism, uncertainty
Baby, I’m an Anarchist
I don't quite remember the year; the poignancy of the memory overpowers any sense I have of my exact age, or even grade, at the time. I was driving my parents' Volvo down 114 towards Newport. My two closest friends, Spike and David, were in the car with me. David had just put in a CD of some band he was getting into that I had never heard of, with Read more [...]
Lies, Damned Lies, and Politics
For a variety of reasons, I do not usually concern myself with politics and heavily political issues. There are some issues in which my opinions are informed by facts and data; in these cases I do not feel the need to proselytize at people who are not as well informed. For example, on the scientific rigor of evolution, whether it is "fact" or "theory," Read more [...]
Assorted Miscellany
It has been a while since I have published anything on the site. Sometimes I am simply too busy to sit down and write (especially, as you may have noticed, my articles tend to clock in at least 2,000 words, which is not an insignificant time commitment), and sometimes I am simply not in the mood to write. I find, often, that I cannot force myself Read more [...]
If A Tree Falls
One of the most widely known (and basic) philosophical thought experiments is some variant of "If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Now, I would contend that a far more interesting philosophical question is the one posed by Gary Larson, here, but that is besides the point.
In any case, the Read more [...]
The Uncanny Valley: The Unceasing Strangeness of the SyFy Channel
Fair warning: most of the video clips posted below are not safe for work, and many are mind-boggingly stupid as well. Seriously, don't watch them if there is anybody nearby who you want to respect you as a human being.
"After an African dinosaur ancestor of the crocodile is found, Dr. Campbell uses its DNA to create prototypes at Paula Kennedy's Read more [...]
Providentiae Memor: Autumn for the Kings of Europe
This past Saturday, a 77 year old man died in a Munich hospital. His name was Albert Joseph Maria Franz-Xavier, a name which will not only fail to resonate with the vast majority of the people reading this, but with the vast majority of people worldwide. The truth is that Albert was an irrelevant figure, whose death will be unheralded outside of Read more [...]
Eat Your Fingers Off
In 1987, KFC opened its first outlet in China, a chicken nugget's throw away from Chairman Mao's mausoleum in the middle of Tiananmen Square. Now, 25 years later, KFC is the premier fast food chain in the country, generating almost $2 billion in annual profit (for reference, that is more than is made by all of the KFCs, Taco Bells, Pizza Huts, Read more [...]
Posted in Columns, Creative Writing, Ryan
Tagged kfc, language, nabokov, translation, word
“I felt very, very small”
About one month ago, Curiosity, a robotic rover designed and operated by NASA, landed on the surface of Mars, some 350 million miles from Earth. A live broadcast of the landing was displayed in Time's Square, and NASA's website was temporarily shut down due to high traffic. Around 45,000 people subscribed to the Twitter account of Curiosity's flight Read more [...]