Let’s begin with an internet-famous question – the “Entrepreneur’s Dilemma:”
I happened upon (a simplified version of) this prompt about a month ago, and have been thinking about it ever since. It’s fascinating to consider. Let’s do so.
Work. Family. Friends. Fitness. Sleep. Prioritize three, scrap two.
Some people reject the premise that you have to sacrifice in some areas to truly have the others, and I suppose I don’t reject their rejection. If you want to posit that you can have it all by managing your time better, you’re probably right? Good for you and your high horse. This is just not the way my life works. Or at least, it’s not the way I’ve managed it.
One thing I find interesting is that our premise – that you have to narrow the breadth of your ambitions to accomplish them – resonates with me far more than it earlier would have. My ambitions were already narrow, organically. Salads and true exercise were for the birds. I lacked a professional drive, beyond paying the bills and posturing socially that I had my shit together. I don’t have. big family.
At that point, I was left with friends and sleep.
But then things change. I found my dream career, to the point where I often don’t even conceive of my job as “work.” My exercise goals expanded beyond merely fitting back into my prom dress. And then, of course, I begat a child, and now have a second on the way!
And thus I now DO feel the crux of what the Dilemma is arguing, and unpacking “why is that?” had me realize I’ve been prioritizing three over the other two without being aware I was doing so. And that’s gotten me to wonder – am I prioritizing the right ones? If I accept the premise that I can only have three – which three should I choose to lead the best life? And are those the ones I’m choosing?
Sleep, to me, is the clear weak link (within reason: I’m not suggesting we take Kramer’s lead and start aping Da Vinci). But as important as it is to our health and happiness, it ultimately seems that all that’s required is to hit a base minimum. Anything beyond that, frankly, is probably just not a great use of our time. After all, who reaches old age and says they wish they’d slept more?
So that’s something I think makes sense to cut – and one I can. One I can’t is Family. I’m about to have a second daughter with my amazing wife! There’s just no way that won’t consume a lot of time. And as I preached to our two-year old after I had her take a knee the other day: “You make our lives way harder, but also so much better.” I’m happy to prioritize that.
While on the surface Work might seem like another one of those “nobody wishes they worked more!” categories, I’d disagree. While there is the “I missed all of my kid’s ball games!” end of the spectrum you want to avoid, the right career can be incredibly fulfilling. It can create a real sense of accomplishment, pride and satisfaction if you’re lucky, and that’s how I feel right now. Plus, with the aforementioned family, there’s some responsibility that makes a job pretty important. So another thing I’m happy to prioritize – and recently have been doing so.
And then there were two, with only one rose to give out. Friends or Fitness?
On the surface this seems obvious, but let’s play out the string. Fitness – eating healthy, exercising often – isn’t exactly a textbook example of fun, but it is important. TONS of people regret, “I wish I took better care of myself.” And beyond that, exercising makes you feel good, in various ways – both in that rush of endorphins, that sense of satisfaction, and in looking and being your best self. Better fitness tends to lead to a better life.
The problem is, Fitness often finds itself in direct conflict with Friends. I guess this is the whole point – all these categories compete against one another. But what I’ve come to appreciate is how much Friends can undermine Fitness, making it difficult to prioritize both. How’s that Whole30 going to hold up when Friends want to order pizza? How do you make it to the gym when Friends want to grab a beer?
Over the past three years, for me personally, this is the category conflict I FEEL most. As I’ve become increasingly dedicated to Fitness, I’ve noticed more and more how socializing undermines my efforts to improve my physical shape. And what I’ve now realized, I’m bummed to admit, is that this has probably caused me to deprioritize Friends more than I should have. I haven’t kept the appropriate balance.
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This is the exact spot where I got stuck drafting this block, unsure of my conclusion. As I’ve continued to mull this over across the last two weeks, though, “Balance” actually seems the perfect way to go out.
My conclusion isn’t to stop exercising and party hard. It’s also not to cut all ties and live in the gym. Instead, it’s probably to go back where we started and reject the dilemma.
Not reject the premise that you only have 3/5 capacity in your tank. It’s instead to reject the argument, unspoken but still being made that the only way to make a few bucks is with three $1 bills.
If that’s your strategy, by all means. But I think I’d rather go dutch split one of those bills down the middle.